Notes From the Back of the Medication Line

Notes from the back of the medication line, straight up, no juice chaser, by a mental health professional who has seen the madness, defined the madness and lived to tell the tales, sanity intact.

Name:
Location: back of the line

I am what I am.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

NOTABLE QUOTABLES

An Interesting View on Resolutions
"I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second."
~Helen Fielding

They Shoot Presidents, Don't They?

John Hinkley Jr. Gets to Spend the Night with Mummy and Daddy
So how does someone that tries to assassinate a president get an overnight home pass? Maybe when your family has close ties to, and makes large campaign donations to the Bush family. Could also be why he's in a hospital instead of prison. Hinkley previously had overnight passes within fifty miles of the hospital. He will now be more than 150 miles away. The purpose of the visits will be to 'acclimate' John to his parents' community and relearn skills, including gardening, cooking and taking out the garbage. Hmm, I learned all that working in institutions, so what's up with that? Maybe its a Martha Stewart thing...But good news: His depression and psychosis are in full remission. Right. Just a daily dose of Risperdal keeps him on track. So let's see, maybe "Squeaky" Fromme can can get that weekend hook-up with Manson? Nope. Never happen-they don't have the right connections. Wonder if the old neighborhood will throw John Jr. a block party?

"Ten Minutes and an Ice Pick

'My Lobotomy': Howard Dully's Journey'
If you thought you'd seen a really insane psychiatrist or two in your medical career or personal experience, (for some of you who stayed too long, it may be both!), check out this story of mad science gone very bad.
This one also involves a wicked stepmother that just wanted to move little Howie on down the road and out of her hair. I once saw an actual film of this procedure and it was very scary. Maybe this is what happened to George W.?
(click on title to link to story)

Friday, December 30, 2005

NOTABLE QUOTABLES

I remember the first time I had sex-I kept receipt.
~Groucho Marx

Too Much Money, Too Little Talent

Mr Spears Gets a Web Site
Kevin Federline wants us to, "...really get to know him." Aight! So, he's now on myspace.com where you can find out about his new album, join his e-mail list and view his photo gallery. He also has 2555 'friends' (Dang!One more and he could've had a crew, like all the real rappers). Oh well, he has money to burn. One of his 'friends' Zack, wrote: "Kevin, you are the coolest guy ever. When I graduate from college I hope my career can be as successful as yours." Zacko! Dude, drop out, find an empty-head blonde rotund wanna be singer and PIMP her! Then you WILL be like Kev. So, if you wanna be like Kevin, check out his 'official' web site. You must be at least 13 years old. That alone should let you know how impressive his work is. But hey, in order to view Britney's web site it'll cost you $24.98 for twelve months. Since I'm over 13 and never illegally dowloaded anything by Britney, keep it moving...

eV's TOP 5

Top Five Lines You Don't Want to Hear at the Church Singles Social
5: "I'd love to break bread and a bed with her."
4: "Shall we prey? Ah, I mean pray?"
3: "Your church or mine?"
2: "Hey, lets go to after hours at the PTL Club!"
1: "Is that Scott Peterson over there?"

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Answer Me This....

Is 'actor' Brad Renfro too broke to have someone else score his heroin for him? Skid row dope MUST be the dope when you risk passing by police, television reporters, and undercover cops while trying to pick up. Brad: make another movie and have that $@#+ delivered!

Answer Me This....

If our favorite Rocket Man Elton John were a shoes salesman (women's shoes of course), would he still be able to keep pressing that young male flesh?

SEEN IN LINE TODAY

Sylvia Brown: Substanced-Induced Psychotic Disorder...secondary disorder: Openly lusts for Montel Williams in a scary Mae West manner. The real truth is that she's had just one too many highballs and chain smoked hundreds of unfiltered Camel cigarettes. Every back alley bar and Moose lodge has a Sylvia Brown. They're usually sitting on that stool at the end of the bar trying to pick up the next WWII vet down on his luck by reading his tarot cards and level of desperation. Little does he know he's about to really hit rock bottom.
Ariel Sharon:: Antisocial Personality Disorder...secondary disorder: Male Erectile Disorder which is only relieved by blowing up people, their homes and continuous table top pounding. Awaiting heart repair surgery. Will schedule appointment with the Wizard of Oz so that he may get a heart prior to treatment. Keeps cutting in line. Not easily redirected.

Dead Men Yacking

Be very afraid!
Just when I thought they were going to stick it to all of you on New Years Eve (I will not be watching), by forcing you to endure Regis after hours they're bringing Dick Clark back. Well, maybe not. ABC released a promo pic complete with a cardboard looking Dick added to the real photo of Ryan Seacrest and Hilary Duff; but no live Dick sightings yet. I'd expect a better cut/paste job than this from a major network. Although Dick does look rather tan...We also don't know where and how long Dick will appear on the show. My guess is that Ryan will be the talking head, Hilary will be on the stroll in Hollywood, and Dick will be doing his best Ronnie Reagan vacant wave from the twilight zone. Beam me up Scottie. Oops! Scottie has already left the planet. (click post title to see picture).

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Say What?

OK, I love pets but...
A California retiree spent over $10,000 of his savings in order to treat his 13 year-old poodle for cancer. Yep, chemotherapy treatments for the dog at UC Davis. Apparently this is not unusual. The dogs, (there are others), receive smaller doses of what the humans get. I can see that Roy/Trigger thing coming...Little poodle freeze-dried, stuffed and sitting on the television for the next fifteen years! He'll even keep dressing it up in all those seasonal outfits he thought were so cute. This man should have gotten treatment earlier. Will reserve a bed for this guy. When pookie kicks it, his world is over. Note to self: If Oprah is still on the unit have these two in the same group sessions for people overly enmeshed with their pets. Medicate Stedman.

TV Shows I Don't Want My Really Smart Friends to Know I Watch

Maury: Love that 15th appearance for the baby's daddy, uncle-baby daddy, grandpa-could-even-the-baby daddy, and mamma's-special-friend-can't-even-be-the-daddy-but want-to-YOU ARE NOT-the-father-baby daddy. This is the stuff that populates trailer parks ya'll.
Cheaters: A wonderfully seedy way of 'encouraging temperance and virtue'. These are the Maury kids that grew up watching mama and something like a daddy chase their nookie in the trailer next door.
Dog the Bounty Hunter: Dog's hair, leathered skin, and missing teeth along with Beth's double Z chest in Hawaiian Dolly wear-well hey now! And they run down common rascals too! Doesn't get much sweeter than this. These are the Maury kids turned middle age losers, that bought a ticket to Hawaii after getting an insurance settlement and went broke. What a slice of pure big island trailer park heaven. Pass the macadamia nuts.
America's Most Wanted: John Walsh aside, I am a true fan. Hey, if I see the 'wanted' in my world I'm turning ya in. Not only that, the next day I'll be on all the morning news shows, looking very good and talking very bad about you. Like how you probably grew up in a trailer park. Yeah, that'll work.

NOTABLE QUOTABLES

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
~author unknown

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

SEEN IN LINE TODAY

Oprah: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, secondary disorder: Gets on Your LAST Damn Nerve Syndrome. Admitted after nervous breakdown when her Gulfstream Jet windshield cracked in flight. Sister-girl fronting like she never rode in a hoopity with the spider web windshield crack! Pleez! Its not like she has to fly SouthWest Airlines...
Stedman: Dependent Personality Disorder, secondary disorder: indentured servant for Lady O. Admitted to keep Oprah company and possible ECT (shock therapy), in order to erase that 'duh?' look on his face. Reportedly fears being replaced by Gail King or another overly pampered puppy.

Early Mental Health Issues Warning

Love and Basketball Gone Wild
Are Eva Longoria and Tony Parker the next JLo and (P)Diddy?
I see future 'I'm so beautiful and rich actor/athlete drama' up ahead.
Better hold a few beds on the VIP locked unit. Can I be Tony's private duty nurse? Talk about French benefits!

IF THESE ARE THE HEADLINES WHAT THE HELL IS THE STORY?

Real Newspaper Headlines:
~Minn. Woman Designs, Sells Guinea Pig Gear
~Sex Toy Company Gets NC Business Award
~Cops:Wife Puts Dead Husband in Suitcase
~Man Pleads No Contest to Cattle Relations
~Turtle With Braces Dies

Answering the Unasked

Yes, I do sleep.

Saving a Locked Unit Bed for...

Mariah Carey: Pending readmit, aka 'frequent flier'
Jim Carrey: Final psychotic break due immediately after 100th movie remake. Long overdue.
OJ: You know he's on the way. Anyone asking for a full jury trial in order to charm his way out of a case for stealing cable needs treatment. If the cable box is found, then the clown must go down.

Reality Bites

Coming to a struggling television station near you, The Jackson Family!
Yep, the Jackson nephews, formerly known as the 3T's are being considered for a reality show. Along with the T-boys will be Auntie LaToya and Uncle Jermaine.
Of course the public will watch in hopes that Uncle Mike will make an appearance.
I hope he does too. I think we're gonna need plenty of Jesus Juice and demerol to tolerate this mess. Stay tuned.

Anyone see Being Bobby the Clown this week? Bobby and Whitney did Xmas. If Whitney wasn't loaded then I was. She did have a new wig form the Whitney Houston K-Mart wig collection. If I had not seen her terrier dog and the wig in the same frame...It was not a pretty sight. Bobby was just being Bobby. I'm holding a bed on the locked substance abuse unit for him. Until then he'll probably be back on Bravo next season and I'll be watching. Too bad I can't write that 5150 hold.

Answer Me This...

Is it a verbal and/or mental slippery slope from Brokeback Mountain to Bare Back Mounting ? Just checking.

SEEN IN LINE TODAY

Donald Rumsfeld: Eating disorder patient...eating too much crow
George W.: Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified...ECT(shock therapy), candidate
Anna Nicole Smith: Histrionic Personality Disorder...secondary disorder: Ole Rich Man Eater

Monday, December 26, 2005

Sociopath Watch: Erik Menendez

He's Back!
Just when you thought that Erik M had gone quietly into the prison night he shows up with a new wife, a book of more unknown facts about his childhood, reasons for blasting your parents to death, and lovely childhood pictures of him and co-bro-killer, Lyle.
Bride Tammi writes about what loving and living behind bars is really like. She has a few issues herself, but has dedicated her life to reopening her husband's case.
Check out the FAQ and the loving photo gallery. See if you can see in those pictures what their parents didn't see coming-an ice cream social gone very bad.
If you buy the book from their website you get a complimentary chapter from Erik! If you don't buy...be very afraid.

(click on title to link to his website)

Sunday, December 25, 2005

It's My Blog and I'll Rag on if I Want To

So the line forms to the left...
This is the first post for the medication line where random schizophrenic comments are posted on all types of subjects and those that are subject to the system under various physical, written and psychological holds.
Choose your poison, its not about the pill because the healing is in the water!
The technical part is still under construction. Don't you hate when you see that ? But hey, I worked with live bodies forever and a day. Take an ativan and chill.
To my homies still passing the pills and taking that management bull, I feel for you. I think I love you! Keep yo heads up-that's the only way ya going to see that sucker punch coming from the one that keeps cheeking his meds. I hate when that happens.
Peace. Out.